Monday, March 05, 2012

The Worrier

I am 97 days away from THE day.

I have constantly been worried over a lot of things..
There's a million and one things in my mind that thinking alone makes me want to cry..
I cry over the smallest of things...Super sensitive I tell you...

Lately I have been freaking out on giving birth..
As I have mentioned before, I am scared of pain..
And the reality of giving birth is that IT IS PAINFUL..

I really dont know how am I going to do it.
Talked to many people, read up a lot..and there's so many opinions and stories
that I feel overwhelmed.

I stumbled over some positive quotes and sayings
and it would make me feel better, but for a while and then I 'll start to panic again..
I am sorry for my husband having to hear me whine again and again about me being scared..

But I do have to give him credit for being patient with me..
I know I have been such a big baby ever since I got pregnant,
and he have been listening to me, coaxing me, hugged me when Im in need and wiping my tears away..

Yesterday, we were just sitting at the living room, relaxing..
Me as usual rambling about my worries..
And suddenly hubby said, "I strongly believe you can do it even without epidural. The Nurul I've known is such a patient person, and with the perseverance level that I know you have, I have faith you can go through it easily."

I choked with tears at this statement.
How can someone else have that much confidence in me, when I dont even think I have any..:'(

Before I go to sleep, he kissed my forehead and said "Believe in yourself, my dear"

Right there and then I know I want nobody else with me when Im going through the 'jihad' of labour but my husband.
He really is my pillar of strength.

I know for the rest of my 97 days, I will on and off have my moments of panic and worry and I'll start all over again whining and rambling about my fear...but with his constant motivation and belief in me, I know I will be able to go through it. Pain or not, it will be worthwhile, I'Allah.

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