Should I or Shouldnt I?

Hey All..

I really could not sleep...
So many things on my mind...
But nowadays,
I feel I could not share things that is on my mind, here in this blog...

Everything in my mind lately
has been very private and complicated to talk about in this blog...

I have to find other alternatives,
I guess..

A thought came to my mind just a sec ago..
I'd like to close down this blog...



Shocking?
NO? hmm...

I dont know...


I just want to open a new chapter in my life..
Wish to forget everything in the past,
starting this very moment...
Just start everything with a clean slate...

I've penned every bitter sweet moments in my life,
here in this blog...
This blog is like my heart monologuing just about anything
that came across it...

But really,
Most of the things in my heart cant be typed out
and be shared with anybody anymore..

Therefore,
I thought,
should I or shouldnt I?

I'll give myself just one more day to think,
and we''ll see whats the outcome...

meanwhile,
Please excuse me
While I continue to think...

Excuse Me

Please excuse me,
I NEED to scream.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ya Allah,
Forgive me for not being strong..

I need Your help,
Without which,
I am incapable..

Ada Masa Mata

This new song by Siti Nurhaliza,
touched my heart..
The lyric is meaningful..

"kadang-kala orang menilai secara dasar..
dan lupa nak mengenali hati budi orang yang lain"

ADA MASA MASA
BUKAN DENGAN MATA
NAK MENILAI RUPA
MANA CANTIK, MOLEK DAN MANIS
TETAPI ITU KERJA HATI
MELIHAT DARI PEKERTI

ADA MASA MASA
DARI SISI SAMA
MASIH TETAP JUA
PANDANGAN BOLEH BERBEZA
ASALKAN SAJA DI HATI
SUDI CUBA MEMAHAMI

ADA MASA MATA
ADA SAHAJA
ADA YANG TIDAKLAH KENA
CEREWET MENCARI SEMPURNA
TERLUPA APA BERHARGA

ADA MASA MATA
ADA KETIKA
TAK TERLIHAT CELA
KERANA HATI SUDAH SUKA
SEPERTI JUGA AKU
BILA MENGENALI DIRIMU

JANGAN KUNCI
PINTU HATI
LEPAS PANDANG
SEBALIK DIRI
BILA INDAH TELAH PUDAR
ATAS APA KITA BERDIRI

I am FREAKIN ANGRY

People who know me personally would say
Im not the angry type of person..
Even if Im a victim, I would still take my time to think,
whether I should scream at people that annoy me or not..

Most of the time,
I would just let it go and just imagine I scream vulgarities at them
and do something terrible to them in my head...

So far,
NO ONE in this world has caused me to want to do
other than that..

BUT!

This one particular person...
A girl...
Whom my mother fondly titled her as 'anjing gila'...

This girl has been in the picture ever since me and my brothers
were still in secondary school....
(that was around the year 2000)

The whole family tried not to judge her...
But time and time again,
she proved us wrong..

She caused our family to fall apart like crazy....
She bad-mouthed people..
She makes 'drama' just to get attention..
She shouted vulgarities at BOTH MY PARENTS!!!
She shouted vulgarities at HER PARENTS!!
She freakin' smokes ciggies..
She talks rude..
She influenced our in-laws by badmouthing us...
and many other BAD BAD characteristics....

(I tried to be kind and look at her good side instead, but she's gone too far that I simply CANNOT look at her good side!)


All that and she can freakin' ask people
'why people dont like me??'

Whatda??!!!!

Since she cant be changed and does not want to change,
My family just cant be bothered with her...

But yesterday,
She did it again..
she just somehow manage to irritate people with
her nonsensical behaviour!

She went to my aunt's house!

My aunt doesnt even know her!!!
and was startled to find a crying girl
at her doorstep...

Begging to meet my brother,
and saying she wants to kill herself..

You want to kill yourself,
so??
Go and freakin kill yourself lah..
None of our business!!

Good then!
That's one crazy person down..
The world does not need a person as outrageous as you!!

Its all for attention..
No one in the world who wants to kill themselves,
would tell people that...

they would just go and DIE lah!

STUPID!


My aunt had no choice but
to get her in the house and let her tell
her 'pitiful' story...


What a shameless person!
pegi rumah sedara mara orang
and then bukak pekong sendiri??

Dasar perempuan tak tau malu...!!


Even with all these nonsense,
I've always reserved a thought that maybe she's not that bad...


BUT!!!!!
until one particular Ramadhan..

She kept calling my house...
When I finally had enough,
I answered and told her that its maghrib, and
that as a girl she should be ashamed to be calling
and annoying people like that...

And guess what??

She smsed my dad
to freakin tell him 'to watch his daughter's mouth'!!!

Whatda!!!??
Who the hell is she to tell my dad to do that???
Mother Bugger you!!!

Now,
you tell me perempuan jenis apa tu??

is it her or is it just me??

From that day onwards,
I shut all reservations with regards to her good characters!


Any sane person in this world would NOT want to be friends
or entertain her nonsense...!

What can I say,
She's desperate!

I personally believe,
Akhlak dan peribadi seorang wanita tu harus dijaga..

I believe,
that a person CAN change from vices to virtues..
But,
Kalau rasa kesedaran, humility and malu tu dah takde langsung,
ginilah jadinya...



Sidenote: This is me being VERY ANGRY. The very seldom emotion has come.

Just an update after so long....

I have been very lazy updating my blog.
Pardon me, but every single time I thought of blogging,
I felt like gagging..

OK, I'm just saying that just cause it rhymes..
DRAAAG!
:p


The house is still under renovation..
I'd say its 80% done...
Hope it'll be 90% by the end of this week
and all done up by end of next week..

Its really squeezing the juices out of me, this whole renovation thingy..
Every end of the day made me feel too tired to do anything else...
We are like tourist in our own country...
Staying from one hotel to another, one chalet to another and one relative to another...

The part I hated most is the packing and unpacking of stuff..
Mind you, I have my facial wash set, my tons of clothes (I work Mon to Sun),
my basic make-up necessities, my personal toiletries, etc...

I'm a girl, I have lots of stuff, you know...

So every time we move, I have to lug this hee-yuge luggage
around..

I just hope at the end of all this,
Its all worth it!

I can see my house my parents' house
starting to look all modern and chic...
ahakz...

and I requested my room to be painted in two shades of PINK!!
yay!


Oh btw,
I have officially closed my friendster account!

I've been meaning to do it since many many moons ago...
I don't know what held me back...
But anyway, I did it!
and it felt good! =)


and oh,
A happy belated new year to all of you!

I refuse to have any resolutions..
Cause it all never really came true...

Im just going to focus on the plans I've already been working on for this year...

I pray it will all unfold smoothly..
Amiin...


Tata!

My Precious Blue Gem

I've been very busy..
Juggling stuff here and there..

So busy I forgot what its like to jump for joy...

Until one day,

THIS!

caused a big fat chesire cat GRIN on my face!

=)

A gift from Love..

A token that we're meant to be..

and that we are well on our journey

to become 'Mr. and Mrs.' soon, InsyaAllah, he said.

=)

This precious Blue Gem,

I Love and care with all my heart..

Thank You Darling! =)